Forgive me blog, for I have sinned. Again. I have been out of touch.
Believe me, I have written this entry many times in my head. Hopefully it will be worth the wait.
After coming back from France, things began to fall in place with the Brewmaster. That is his name because he owns a wonderful brewery, in addition to being a kick ass trumpet player in some of the symphonies I play in. Things felt so natural that one day I cleared out half my closet. I took all my spring and summer clothes to the basement and bought some things so my sweetie could have a place better than a laundry basket to store his stuff.
Loving someone requires making room: shoving some of your own baggage aside to accept another’s. It’s so worth it, yet it requires a degree of letting go that is not easy. Divorce can be a very painful life event, and having a child in the middle means you are never fully free of those emotions or that person entirely. It took a long time for me to be in the right place to make room for someone to be in my life and heart again. But there is nothing like the feeling of getting a hug after a long day and knowing that someone else was waiting for one of those, too.
Other elements of being in love also require making room. Some of my girlfriends worried that I wouldn’t have time for Ladies’ Night anymore. After reassuring them that the Brewmaster valued his brass player gatherings (and I really don’t want any details of what goes on there) and was fully supportive of my friendships outside our relationship, they have realized that I will continue to make room for them. And he supplies craft beer for our gatherings!
Ballet Boy has been so busy that he may have even forgotten he has a mom, but I’m still making room for him. I value our catch up time at breakfast (when the Brewmaster is often snoring away as he is NOT an “up and attem'” kind of guy) or snacks when I hear about what is happening in my son’s current production or at school. Tonight I am looking forward to seeing him wear a big tummy as the body of the Chesire Cat in Alice and Wonderland. I couldn’t be prouder that after braving a massive snowstorm to help him get to summer auditions in Chicago last weekend, we have already heard that he got into the Houston Ballet Summer intensive. Most of my day has been spent filing for financial aid to be able to afford such a prestigious program. Ballet Boy may not see how I make room for him every day, but I do.
Making room for exercise has been more challenging. I have made it several times a week to the gym but it is always tricky negotiating parenting, carpooling, performing, teaching and quality time with the Brewmaster. He supports my exercise addiction and has already promised to be support crew for the triathlons I’m doing this spring. In return, I wore his Brewery t-shirt to the gym today to advertise a little. I figure that it wouldn’t hurt considering it’s the gym of the biggest drinking school in the country. I wasn’t surprised to see a young guy lifting weights sporting a “Keg Lifting Championship” t shirt. I’m sure the Brewmaster could take him on that one.
Tomorrow I am going to my first beer fest: the Iowa City Brr Fest. After that we are going to my annual endurance club party. I’m pretty certain the Brewmaster will be as out of his element there as this gluten-free mama will be at the Brr fest, but making room for our respective passions is important. Besides, who likes beer more than a room full of triathletes? It’s guaranteed advertising!
Making room for forgiveness. This is way more complicated than getting to the gym, or sporting my amazing kid, or hanging out with fabulous friends. This takes self-discipline, patience and lots and lots of love. In general I think I am good at this. This morning I failed with Brewmaster a little. I even gave him the cold shoulder. That is not okay, because he has been incredibly supportive, helpful and loving. He didn’t even blink an eye when I dumped tea bags all over the kitchen today and almost spilled chocolate milk all over his loan papers the other day. He is always there, unquestioning, accepting of my 46 year old wrinkles and cellulite. I need to learn a lesson or two from him, and certainly not open my mouth before I’ve had my morning caffeine. I will keep trying to do better on this one, as I push my own baggage out of the way and hope he will still love me.
Here’s to making room. To being in love. To being a mom, a friend, and a companion to the love of my life. Bring it on!